Two weeks on from the helicopter crash that tore apart her world, Vanessa Bryant has shared her most emotional message yet about her grief at the death of husband Kobe Bryant and their teenage daughter Gianna.
The widow and bereaved mother said she is having trouble accepting the reality of her losses.
"My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can't process both at the same time," Vanessa wrote in an Instagram post on Tuesday (US time.)
"It's like I'm trying to process Kobe being gone, but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me.
"It feels wrong."
Vanessa, a former model who worked in the art department for films including Man on Fire before marrying the NBA star, revealed the only thing keeping her going is that she needs to "be strong and here" for her three surviving daughters.
"Mad I'm not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I'm here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri," the 37-year-old wrote.
Natalia is 17, Bianka is three, Capri is seven months old.
The Bryants beam in a 2019 family Christmas photo. Photo: Instagram
Bryant and 13-year-old Gianna were among nine people killed when his helicopter crashed into a Los Angeles hillside in bad weather on January 27.
The group was travelling in Bryant's helicopter to his Mamba Sports Academy at Thousand Oaks, California, for a basketball match.
Gianna, also known as Gigi, was to play and the NBA superstar was the team's coach.
In a preliminary report released on February 7, investigators from the National Transportation Safety Board said just before the helicopter crashed it hurtled toward the ground at faster than 1200 metres per minute.
It showed no clear signs of engine failure.
A final report with the best assessment of what caused the crash could take up to two years.
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I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words. My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time. It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me. It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad. She had so much life to live. Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters. Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri. I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process. I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this. God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.
Vanessa has since used social media to express her devastation at the deaths of her husband and daughter.
Just days after the tragedy, she acknowledged and expressed gratitude for the global outpouring of support.
“Thank you for all the prayers. We definitely need them,” she wrote.
She shared a video of Gianna playing basketball, and revealed more about her heartache about outliving her daughter.
"Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn't being able to have that opportunity?! I'm so mad," Vanessa wrote.
"She had so much life to live."
Vanessa, who celebrated 20 years with Kobe in November with a date to Disneyland, said she is speaking out to help others who have suffered loss and trauma.
"I know what I'm feeling is normal. It's part of the grieving process … I just wanted to share in case there's anyone out there that's experienced a loss like this," she wrote.
"God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all."
Two days ago, Ms Bryant shared a happier video clip of youngest daughter Capri learning how to stand, assisted by Bryant's sister, Sharia Washington.
"My Koko Bean. She looks just like my Gigi with her daddy's eyes. auntie Ri-Ri. #7months," she wrote.
The Bryant family is to hold a memorial for Kobe and Gianna at the Lakers' home stadium, the Staples Centre, on February 24.
The date has significance, Vanessa posted: Gianna's No.2 basketball top, Kobe's No.24 and 20 for the number of years the couple were together and Bryant played for the famous club.
A tribute closer to home – an Adelaide beach artwork tribute to the Bryants by local artist Sue Norman – has gone viral on social media.
Commissioned by local cafe CREAM, the sand feature was posted to Facebook where it was shared by group Basketball Forever, which has more than 3.3 million followers.
The post has been shared more than 5500 times and has gained more than 55,000 reactions.