It may be that Gwyneth Paltrow has the most publicly profitable private parts in Hollywood, and her latest use of them has created burning discussion and hot sales figures.
The Goop maven has given the world a new part of herself with the release of her new candle. It's called 'This Smells Like My Vagina'.
That's the good news. The bad: the first release sold out fast (there's a wait list.)
Before we do a deep dive into the candle, a look back at the other times Paltrow's lady bits have been fertile ground for business opportunities.
There's been vaginal steaming, vaginal jade eggs, sex aids that cost as much as a small car, and something called 'sex dust' (also sold out.)
In a January 6 promo for her upcoming Netflix series The Goop Lab, which investigates unfamiliar health treatments, Gwyneth, 47, looked delighted to be standing in a giant vagina.
Gwyneth Paltrow welcomes you to The Goop Lab on January 24 pic.twitter.com/ZzeEEbAy9L— Netflix Queue (@netflixqueue) January 6, 2020
So let's just say, the lady knows her vaginas. Which brings us to the 'This Smells Like My Vagina' candle.
The most burning question: what does that smell like? So, the $110 votive is a mix of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrette seed”.
All up, it's a "funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent."
Another burning question: how did Gwyneth come to name a candle after her personal musk?
Seems it was a lucky accident. She and perfumer Douglas Little, from artisanal brand Heretic – were collaborating on a fragrance together. They were testing products when the Oscar winner decided, "Uhhh … this smells like a vagina", according to the Goop website.
Long story short, the pair didn't end up using the scent as perfume but did a "test run" for the candle during a recent Goop Health Summit and it was a runaway success.
And here we all are.
For anyone tempted to diss the idea, be mindful that Paltrow doesn't love it when you turn on her vag, or at least her expertise about them in general.
In January 2015, the lifestyle guru raved about vaginal steaming in a Goop post, specifically a 'golden ticket' called the 'Mugworth V-Steam' at Santa Monica's Tikkun Spa.
“You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. If you’re in L.A., you have to do it.”
The post caught the attention of US obstetrician Dr Jen Gunter, author of The Vaginal Bible. In a detailed blog post, she warned, “Steam is probably not good for your vagina. Herbal steam is no better and quite possibly worse.”
The doctor's bottom line about using pressure to steam a vagina? "MOST DEFINITELY NEVER EVER DO THAT.”
As happens in LA when people get riled up, the matter ended in court. In 2017, before the trial and after Dr Gunter made repeated criticisms of the aforementioned jade eggs, Paltrow tweeted a mysterious Goop post: "When they go low, we go high."
According to reports, Goop’s 'contributing doctors' described Dr Gunter as “strangely confident” – to which she replied, “I am appropriately confident” – and said they were “questioning the status quo” for the sisters.
In the end, in 2018, Goop was fined $207,000 for making what was called "unsubstantiated" claims about the jade eggs.
As luck would have it, sticking an egg-shaped thing in your 'yoni', as Goop calls it, won't “balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse and increase bladder control”.
Elle responded to news of the candle with a list of 30 questions about it, including: 'When in Gwyneth's cycle was this crafted?' and 'Will men be able to find the wick?'